Q & A
Potential Questions
How should I talk with my child about bullying/cyberbullying?
Parents should talk with students about bullying behavior and kindness as early as possible in a child’s social development, even at early grades. Cyberbullying should be a topic for further conversation as soon as they have access to online technology. It is important to set guidelines for technology, encourage safety and build trust if parent assistance is needed, and make a technology use agreement with your child.
How to Have the Talk, National Bullying Prevention Center
What guidelines should I set with my child about technology and bullying?
Video You Tube: Starting the conversation about online safety
Set time limits on screen time, i.e. not during meals, stop at a certain time.
Use parent monitoring tools within the device or program software.
Make sure your child understands that more freedom comes with more responsible use of technology.
Build trust by listening and developing the guidelines together.
Set regular conversations with your child about their online interactions.
What steps should I take if my child observes online bullying?
Encourage your child to take action and be an upstander and not just a bystander:
They may:
Take pictures to document the online post.
Talk with the target and let me know you will support them and they are not alone.
Tell the bully that the behavior is not acceptable and ask them to stop.
Report or assist the target in reporting cyberbullying to gain support at school and home.
Participate in school safety, SAVE (Students Against Violence Everywhere) clubs or other peer support programs that promote school safety and positive school culture.
What steps should I take if my child is being bullied online?
Make sure your child knows it is not their fault.
Let them know help is available and they do not have to handle it on their own.
Make sure they know you will help them work toward a solution with the school to make sure they are safe.
Communicate that bullying is never okay and all children have the right to feel safe and be treated with respect.
Work with your child and the school on a student action plan: Student Action Plan Against Bullying:
What do I do if my child is cyberbullying others?
Talk calmly with your child about the reasons for their cyberbullying behavior, including peer pressure, having been bullied themselves, or not understanding that bullying has a negative impact on others.
Communicate that bullying or cyberbullying is not an acceptable way to respond to any situation but also teach empathy, respect and compassion. It is important for children to understand how others feel when they see or hear negative things being done or said to them. The school counselor can be very helpful in discussions about empathy and taking others’ perspectives.
Make your expectations clear and consistent. Communicate to your child that bullying will not be tolerated. Possible expectations could include time restrictions for online use, temporary restrictions on access to devices, or increased parental monitoring during online access. It is more appropriate to focus on your child’s understanding the negative impact of bullying and changing the behavior than taking away a device permanently.
Be specific about what will happen if bullying/cyberbullying continues. Set clear expectations and be consistent. The behavior change takes time but is faster with parental support, positive feedback for handling conflict constructively, and showing respect for others feelings.
How do I work with school personnel to prevent or respond to cyberbullying?
Cyberbullying occurs in many locations and is not just a school problem. Parents and school personnel must work together to ensure the safety of your child and others. Here are some tips:
Know your school district policy and response procedures about bullying/cyberbully and ask questions about where they are in that process. This is available on the BCS Student Service webpage.
Avoid blaming and focus on a response and prevention plan.
Involve your child in the response and prevention plan to ensure they will follow it and ask for assistance if needed.
Be aware that schools may NOT share specific information about other students’ disciplinary actions with you but may share a safety plan that is developed with you and your child for their time at school.
Reasons Why Youth May Not Tell An Adult and Bullying/Cyberbullying (The National Center for Bullying Prevention)
They have been told to ignore it in previous incidents. This is often well intentioned but not a helpful response.
They think they should be able to fix it on their own. Kids may see the situation as something as a response to something they said or did.
They are concerned that their parents or teachers will contact the other child’s parents and make the bullying worse. It is important for parents to be supportive and not judge the behavior. Work with your child’s counselor or school personnel to plan a response to the bullying.
They don’t want their phone or computer taken away. Remember it is the bullying that is the problem and not the device.
They do not want anyone to worry. There is a perception that parents and teachers are involved with more important things.
The situation is too personal and may involve their own behavior that could get them into trouble. Kids may have shared an inappropriate post, been influenced to do things in social situations their parents would not approve of, or just innocently posted something funny or sarcastic that was misunderstood.
Resources for more information:
Cyberbullying: Identification, Prevention, and Response, Cyberbullying Research Center
5 Reasons Youth Don’t Report Cyberbullying and What You Parents Can Do About It, Family Online Safety Institute
Video Digital Drama, Common Sense Education
Common Sense Media: Articles for Parents to Prevent and Discuss Cyberbullying
Take it Down: The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children: Information on how to get inappropriate sexualized/nude photos taken down.